


Start Each Day With a Sense of Urgency

by Willow_Of_Vanaheim



Series: Loki's Desperation [8]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Crying Loki (Marvel), Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Omorashi, Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Assault, Safe Sane and Consensual, Safewords, Subspace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2020-02-08 11:47:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18622699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willow_Of_Vanaheim/pseuds/Willow_Of_Vanaheim
Summary: What starts off as early morning fun with a desperate Loki soon turns into an important discussion of kink boundaries after Loki experience subspace for the first time.





	Start Each Day With a Sense of Urgency

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Contains a brief discussion of sexual assault, but it's not detailed in the slightest.
> 
> Omorashi is at the beginning if you only wish to read that, narrative and exposition happens after.
> 
> This story takes place a few weeks after the events of 'A Hard Day's Hold'

One of Tony’s guilty pleasures in life was when Loki woke up desperate to pee. Admittedly it didn’t happen often but when it did Tony made sure that he enjoyed it to the fullest. There hadn’t been an occurrence since Tony had admitted to enjoying watching Loki in a state of desperation. So when he woke one morning a couple of weeks since the eventful Christmas party to find Loki, still asleep but squirming, a grin spread across his face. The excitement was a more effective wake up than coffee.

Loki’s legs tangled together, squeezing slightly as he blinked his eyes open. He groaned softly and threw the covers off of him, allowing Tony to view him in all his naked glory. Before he could get out of bed, Tony leaned over him and pressed a kiss to his lips. Loki pressed back eagerly, ignoring Tony’s terrible morning breath, before pulling away with a chuckle. 

“One moment, my love. Just need to pop to the loo and I’ll be right back.” Loki nuzzled Tony’s neck before moving to get up, wincing as the change in elevation disturbed his bladder. Tony pushed him back down, or rather Loki allowed himself to be pushed, without the armour Tony wouldn’t have the strength to manhandle him. 

“Or we could have some fun,” Tony suggested. Loki tensed slightly before smiling at him but Tony was already getting up.

“What did you have in mind?” 

“Nothing if you don’t want to,” Tony muttered pulling back off of Loki. Loki yanked him back down.

“Automatic reaction. I do want to, Tony. I actually enjoyed last time. Besides when have you ever know me to do anything I didn’t want to do.”

“True.” Tony stared at Loki’s face for a moment before giving into his desires. “Remember our system.”

“Red means stop, green means go.” Loki rolled his eyes. “Yes Tony, I remember.”

“We’re talking about this.”

“Later.”

“Yes later.” Tony agreed, sitting back against the headboard and pulling Loki closer so he was sat in-between his legs.

“What’s the game today?” Loki twisted in his grip, trying to find a comfortable position to sit in. His bladder was protesting, it’s demands being ignored.

“Just sit for a while. How do you feel right now.”

“Honestly, seconds away from peeing.” Loki began to bounce lightly on the spot. This didn’t escape Tony’s notice and he groaned in to the back of Loki’s neck, where previously he’d been pressing light kisses.

“Tell me more.”

“Er, well. I generally can’t wait that long in the morning. It’s sort of an I wake up and have to go immediately, sort of thing. Today I woke up particularly desperate. Probably from drinking hot chocolate just before bed.”

“How come I haven’t noticed this before?”

“Because I’m normally up way before you.”

“No fair.”

“Well you know the solution then don’t you. Start getting up earlier.” Loki shifted in his seat again, subtle slipping his hand under the covers to give himself a squeeze. “As embarrassing as this is, I don’t think I can wait much longer.”

“Really?” Tony sounded far too excited and Loki blushed while shaking his head, bouncing his knees together as a droplet beaded on his tip. “Man, maybe I should get up earlier.”

Tony drew back the covers once more so he could see what was going on and stared in wonder as first one drop appeared before that one was replaced by another and then another, together forming a small trail down the flawless skin of Loki’s inner thigh. 

Pee began to dribble out despite how tightly he clenched his muscles and he could do nothing about it, try as he might. Tony’s eyes were fixed on his penis, an oddly intimate moment considering they weren’t doing anything. Loki felt his face begin to flush and he had to look away from the scene before he was overcome with emotions. 

He didn’t call his safe word though. He felt fine. Overwhelmed? Yes. Oddly spaced out? Yes. But he didn’t want this to stop. He wanted Tony to hold him so he wordlessly tugged the inventor's arms so they were wrapped around his chest. Tony gave him a squeeze and started rubbing his thumb up and down over his protruding ribcage. It comforted and relaxed Loki.

Relaxed him a bit too much it turned out as his lost concentration and began to leak. It came in small spurts at first, then started flowing a bit faster until he felt the dampness beginning to pool around him as it sank into the sheets. That snapped him out of the daze he’d been in and he quickly crossed his legs so as to stop the flow.

He knew that Tony was talking to him but he couldn’t quite make out the words. He was completely caught up in the moment and enjoying every moment of it. He felt as Tony stroked his hand between his clenched thighs, giving him a squeeze, keeping the stream back. Another spurt made its way out and Tony and he both groaned in unison. Tony’s hands continued stroking, moving the liquid around.

“You’re so beautiful,” Tony whispered in his ear and Loki groaned. Unable to reply he pulled Tony to his closer, needing the physical contact. Every nerve in his body felt alive. He never felt this before. But he liked it, it felt good. An unexplainable feeling of joy overwhelmed every other feeling. The feel of his bursting bladder was the only thing that kept him tethered to reality, and even the pain and panic he normally associated with it were floating away, leaving behind a sensation that felt incredible.

His bladder convulsed more, telling him that it needed to be emptied fully. The pain hadn’t quite registered in his mind, only the blissful haze that filled his thoughts. Another leak forced it’s way out of him and he could feel Tony’s breath on his neck as he let out a moan. Loki knew he couldn’t hold on for more than a few seconds and he tried to alert Tony to this fact but the words came out jumbled. Tony seemed to get the gist however as he started whispering encouragements into Loki’s ear.

That was all he needed it seemed, as he gave his body permission to let go. It started pouring out of him, the blissful feeling of release helped along by Tony's hand holding him, directing his stream first up into the air, then to the blankets, then onto Tony’s chest. Loki didn’t care what he did, he was only aware of the pleasurable sensations, the relief of his emptying bladder, the pleasure from Tony’s touch. It was all too much and he felt a different kind of need rise up within him.

Once his body was empty of urine, Tony started stroking him harder and faster until he found a release of a different kind. He was aware as Tony pressed up against him stroking himself to completion too, but Loki wasn’t aware of anything else was going on. He’d completely zoned out, not even aware when Tony kissed him gently on the lips and got up to turn the shower on. When the water was warm enough he nudged Loki up and off the bed and into the shower where he joined him. 

They shared some lazy kisses. Tony thought that Loki looked so relaxed that he left him slumped against the wall under the spray of warm water while he went out and cleaned up the bed. Once done, Tony lay on the bed and waited for Loki to join him.

“That felt good.” Tony jumped a little as Loki joined him. He lay down and snuggled into the pillow, eyes still glazed from their earlier activities.

“You enjoyed that then? I’m glad. I loved it.” Tony stroked up and down Loki’s back, feeling Loki practically melt into him. “We need to talk though.”

“Did I do something wrong?” While the words were prickly Tony could hear the anxious tone woven through it.

“Not at all Bambi.” Tony pulled him down into a lying hug and started massaging his shoulders. “It’s just customary here to have a talk when you do kinky things that push boundaries. Discuss limits and all that. Really, we should have talked about all this way sooner.”

“I’ve been fine with everything we’ve done. Keep doing what you’re doing.”

Tony laughed. How easy Loki made it sound. But Tony knew Loki had his limits and he didn’t want to be the one to break them. He glanced down at his partner, his eyes closed and his breathing slowing. 

“Hey, don’t fall asleep now.” He nudged him gently. 

“But I feel so relaxed and floaty.” Loki burrowed further into the warmth of Tony’s chest. “Let’s sleep now, we can talk later.”

Tony laughed as Loki started to drift off again almost immediately after he finished speaking. Tony frowned, nudging Loki softly. “Hang on a moment, what do you mean floaty?”

“Sleepy.” Loki murmured, snuggling into Tony, curling up around him, pliant and sweet. All things that Loki normally wasn’t. Suddenly it clicked in his head. Loki was experiencing subspace. Crap, he really should have insisted on this talk before this happened. He didn’t know how Loki wanted him to react and he was terrified of making a mess of things. Logically he knew that that was a silly thing to think. Loki wasn’t hurt, he was fine. Better than fine probably.

Tony said nothing more, just pulled the blanket up and wrapped Loki in it before pulling him close. Loki was asleep within seconds. This is fine, Tony thought to himself, at least he’s not hurt of freaking out. 

Loki remained asleep for the next hour and Tony didn’t let go of him in all that time. When Loki began to awake he seemed a lot more aware of his surroundings, his eyes were much more focused. 

“Hey,” Tony said. “Are you back.”

“Hmm,” Loki nodded reaching up and brushing his hand down Tony’s chest. “What, happened? It was wonderful, don’t misunderstand, but why?”

“Congrats, you just experienced subspace.”

“Sub… what?”

“And cue our little talk. Think you’re feeling up for it, or would you prefer breakfast first?”

Loki thought for a moment. “I don’t know. I feel weird Anthony.”

Tony pulled Loki closer to him. Loki seemed really thrown off by the experience and Tony couldn’t help but blame himself for allowing things to go this far with no discussion. 

“Why don’t I go make some pancakes and coffee, we can have a chat after.” Tony got up and Loki shivered at the loss of contact. Wrapping the blanket around himself he followed Tony over to the small kitchen that was attached to his private room. 

Once the food was consumed and both of them sat across from each other nursing a cup of steaming coffee between their hands, Loki felt a lot more like himself.

“So,” Loki began and Tony grinned at him. “I hope you have answers because I have many questions.”

“Ask away Bambi, ask away.”

“What in the Nine just happened to me?”

“Subspace.”

“Yes, and that is…?” Tony explained in detail about both subspace and sub drop even going as far as to get Jarvis to pull up some medically accurate description of the process. Loki sat there nodding in understanding, blushing lightly at certain points. Tony then got onto the discussion he wanted to have first of all bringing up the importance of the safe word.

“We’ve been using the traffic light system, did you want to come up with something more specific?”

“It seems to be working so far,” Loki took a sip of his cooling coffee. “I don’t see why we have to change a system that’s working.”

“We don’t, whatever you’re comfortable with,” Tony said. “And you promise me that you will use the safe word if you need to?”

“Yes,” Loki answered with a roll of his eyes.

Tony grabbed his hands. “This is important Loki. I’m not going to play these games if I’m not sure you will tell me when you need me to stop.”

Loki opened his mouth to retort but caught a glimpse of the seriousness in Tony’s eyes. 

“Yes, I promise, I will stop you if ever needs be.”

Tony held eye contact for a moment longer before nodding his head in assent. This was the most important thing on the agenda. They weren’t however finished. Tony began the talk of boundaries, of hard no’s, stating his, such as he wasn’t willing to inflict on Loki anything that had been done to him in Afghanistan and, if their roles were ever reversed, then he couldn’t have that done to him either. Loki held his hand as he spoke about his experiences.

“So what about you?” Tony asked after a length of silence.

“I don’t have any limits I wouldn’t be willing to push.”

“That’s a fucking lie.” Tony blurted out causing Loki to raise his eyebrow. “Bullshit. You defiantly have limits.”

“You said limits I wouldn’t negotiate on,” Loki protested. “I would be happy to try anything for you.”

“So You’re comfortable going to the bathroom in public.”

“You know I can’t do that.”

“What if I asked you to as part of a scene?”

Loki opened his mouth but didn’t seem to know how to respond.

“That’s what I thought.” Tony calmed his tone, not allowing Loki to draw him into an argument. “Please, tell me what is uncomfortable for you.” 

After hesitating a moment Loki began to speak. “Well, as you just said I cannot go to the bathroom in public, I, er I had some bad experience with that back in Asgard.”

Tony waited but Loki didn’t seem to want to elaborate so Tony prompted him to continue speaking.

“I do not like it when you shout at me.” That one took Tony back slightly and he asked for further clarification. “When we are, as you say doing a scene, I do not appreciate being spoken to harshly. I do not like feeling like I have disappointed you.”

“How about praise? Encouragement? Do you like that?”

Loki nodded but added. “Not excessively, that would become irritating.” Tony chuckled as they carried on their conversation. He managed to find out that Loki didn’t like feeling out of control, though he’d figured that out already. He found out that Loki liked pain, and he liked the idea of Tony having control of his basic needs, like when he told him he wasn't allowed to use the bathroom that morning.

“That’s kind of a contraction you know Lokes? Liking to be in control but liking me to be in control. What’s up with that?”

Loki kicked him under the table causing Tony to let out a yelp of pain. 

“I have control because you gave me the colours,” Loki stated this like it was the most obvious thing in the world causing Tony to roll his eyes.

“Right.” He drawled out. 

“It makes perfect sense if you had the capacity to think it through.” Loki quipped. He carried on before Tony could defend himself. “Bathroom habits have always been a point of concern for me, a source of anxiety if you will, having you be in control takes away the fear.”

Tony asked the question he had been meaning to ask since the first time he’d noticed Loki’s issues. “What caused it?” 

Loki flinched backwards like he’d been hit, his eyes darting about the room. Tony was immediately out of his seat and crouching down next to his partner, holding his hands and offering calming words. That was all it took for Loki to break. He told Tony of the humiliation he had been put through, the restrictions and expectation of being a prince in the royal court. How he was considered weaker than his peers for having to go more often and the teasing this had caused, the way it had caused his father to set stricter expectations on him than Thor had ever had. 

In halting tones he spoke of the sexual assault he had endured in the public bathrooms on Asgard on more than one occasion, to the point where he’d become afraid to use the bathroom, to where he couldn’t even enter into one anymore. 

He was in tears by the end of his speech and Tony just sat there holding him, silently letting him know he was there for him. It was a lot to take in and Tony was sure he still hadn’t gotten the full picture of the traumas his partner had been through. Just enough to give him a taste of what his younger years had been like. And if that was anything to go by then Loki’s life had been hell. It made Tony all the more determined to protect him and make him feel loved and wanted and secure.

“Loki, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise that things were that bad. I love you, I love you so much, I’ll make sure nothing hurts you again.” Tony kept muttering as Loki cleared his throat and wiped his eyes and pretended as he had never been crying in the first place. 

“You’re not going to treat me differently now, are you?”

“What?”

“I don’t want your pity,” Loki said. “I don’t want you to treat me like I’m something delicate that will break if you push too hard.”

“I…” Tony paused and readjusted his thinking. “Alright Bambi, if that’s what you want.”

“I do.”

“Well, that’s that then. We’ll carry on as we were.”

“We better had, yes.”

“I won’t say anything more then.” Tony knew he was rambling and didn’t really know where he was going with this. He sighed. “Bambi, please promise me that you’ll talk to me more. Please. If you ever need to talk you know you’re safe with me right?”

“I know Anthony,” Loki whispered softly. “I know.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone, so I'm back. I've been super busy with uni lately but it's beginning to wind down now, though I still can't promise to stick to a super regular upload schedule. I can, however, promise that this series won't be abandoned.
> 
> Oh one last thing, I haven't seen Endgame yet so no spoilers, please!


End file.
